1.23.11 One Date, Two Quilts, Third Week of January

We started this week off right with a date night. Jeff gets to attend a lot of wine tastings in his profession, and for the first time, it was a time where he could bring me along! We went to Three Forks, where his wine reps had all of their portfolios out for us to taste. There were probably about 200 different wines, and some mighty tasty snacks. We didn't taste all of the wines of course, but sampled enough to be good and tipsy. After leaving there, we decided it would be lame to return to our babysitter before the kids were in bed, so we went to the Melting Pot for cheese and dessert. Yummy!

This week I think Ashlyn started smiling. I know everyoen says the ones when babies are asleep are gas, but she gave me two good ones this week when she was wide awake. She may not be doing it often yet, but I think she has given me genuine smiles.

A lady my mom use to work with made Jakob a beautiful quilt when I was pregnant with him. I love it so much, I asked her to make one for Ashlyn also. She made it to coordinate with her bedroom, and it is perfect! I hadn't seen it at any stage of its creation, so I was super excited when mom told me it was finally finished! The details she put into it are awesome.

This was a big week for Ashlyn, she turned one month old. I can't believe how fast it is going. Of course for her this meant being dressed up and forced into a photo shoot. I know she looks sweet and peaceful, but I took about 50 pictures, all of her screaming. I think she just paused for a second here, but I got lucky and caught it on film. She hated the bow and the tutu, but then I am sure they are quite scratchy!

Now that I have something other than Jakob to take pictures of, he suddenly wants to be in every picture again. Sometimes he will even ask me to get the camera and take his picture. I got him to lay by his sister after his bath the other night and tried to get a good shot of them together. I think I need to put on their big brother/little sister clothes and try this one again.

After soothing Ashlyn the other night, Jakob decided he wanted my love and attention also. He crawled up besdie me on the couch and put my arm around him and clutched it super tight so I couldn't go anywhere. I bet we sat like that for almost an hour, well past his bedtime because I was so frozen with happiness I could not move. I had my sweet baby girl curled up sleeping on my chest and my baby boy snuggled up beside me. I have never felt so lucky and so happy...completely content. Luckily my camera was beside me and so I tried to capture the moment. Not a great picture, especially sicne I probably had not brushed my hair that day, but at least I will always remember the moment.

We have the sweetest neighbors ever, and after getting Ashlyn's birth announcement, Jackie decided to make her a quilt. She gave it to us on Friday, and I was shocked. It was such a sweet thing to do, and I love homeade stuff. It's just beautiful and completely different than the one that matches her bedroom. She also signed it and wrote Ashlyn's name and birthday on a little heart on the back. She said she was going to make one for Jakob too!

And though I haven't mentioned it, this was a really rough week for me. I am still simply terrified about Ashlyn and her upcoming surgery. It seems like everyday I cry, so I try not to talk about it anymore. Sometimes when I am feeding her though, I just sit there and cry. I know it's stupid, she will be fine I am sure. But the terrified part of me feels like I am on a countdown to losing her. A countdown to what will surely be the worst day of my life, no matter how well it goes-how am I going to hand over my baby to someone who intends to cut her open? I am suppose to be able to protect her and I feel like I have failed, will fail. I cannot wait for this to all be in the past so I can enjoy her and not feel like she is a ticking timebomb.