I'm waiting for what my body has been telling me is inevitable. And I blame myself. I know its not my fault, but if I wasn't so OCD, so neuorotic, so controlling, I wouldnt have to know it was happening. I'd just think it was a period. I wouldnt feel like I am losing a part of me. Like I am waiting to wake up from a great dream turned bad. I feel like I'm not allowed to be upset, it was nothing. It was so early. But I was really excited. In my previously mentioned neuroitic, OCD, controlling mind, I was planning. I never saw it coming, or was I trying to ignore the obvious. It didn't feel right and I wrote it off. I didn't cause it, but it is my fault that I have to pay this price.
So I am waiting.